One step at a time…

Going to the movies on Tuesdays is becoming a habit and a time to laugh, cry and think about life. Usually I like to see a little bit of everything from documentaries to cartoons, but lately I’ve been more into sweet things like romantic comedies. Today it was the turn for Love Happens. I have to confess that I’m not a huge fan of Jennifer Aniston. I think that even when she was great as Rachel in Friends, her movie choices are not the best.

Love happens is o.k. not the best, not the worst. But it definitely moved a lot of things inside me. Why? Because as ironic as it can be, Love happens is all about grief. It describes the stages a person goes through after losing someone and even when you know or have heard about it, I know by experience that living them are hell! You would like to go from the first to the fifth stage in one second but at least for me it took 5 years to get from the denial to the acceptance. But if there’s a bright side to this path it’s that not only I learned a lot and I’m way stronger than before but today I have peace in my heart and I can confirm that there’s always hope.

I think that anyone that looses someone special will follow a pretty similar process as Burke (Aaron Eckhart) did in the movie. He couldn’t get over it because he felt responsible of his wife’s death so he started blaming himself for all the things he could have done different or for the things he didn’t do. It’s like if carrying this imaginary bag with all this blame would make it easier for your heart to heal and of course it doesn’t, it actually makes everything worse. And even when you know it, you cannot drop it! It’s like it’s glued to your hands or at least it’s what you feel or want to think…

Like I said in another post, my father was the most important pillar of my life. He taught me the basic and the important things in life like sharing, loving, believing, dreaming, trusting and caring about the world. He was incredibly loved and admired by the people that surrounded him. He was a dreamer, loved his family, ran marathons, helped people, had a huge faith and the most important thing is that he was a fighter until the end. He got stomach cancer at 59 and tried to stay alive as much as he could, even doctors said he lived extra time. He died one month before turning 61.

Now that I see it, I think I got his activist spirit just that he was more like the silent type. He believed in preaching through example. He would never talk bad about people and one of his favourite quotes was: “If you don’t have anything good to say just don’t open your mouth” (something that I don’t usually do :S). He would not only care for people’s needs but he would actually do something about it. He didn’t have the easiest life but he always saw the bright side. He was a great human being and sometimes I still don’t get why he had such a rough end.

The good news is that five years later, after a long journey and going back and forth in the stages of grief I decided to empty and drop that blame bag. I not only feel lighter, I feel blessed!

Three generations (from left to right): Me (I was probably 2), my father Emilio and my grandfather Luis.

Today I want to honour his memory. Love happens, and it happened to me! I had the BEST father I could ever have had. He was an angel that touched tons of lives and changed them forever. I was lucky enough to meet and enjoy him for 27 years. I’m not going to lie, I miss him every day of my life and even when the pain is not as strong as before, his absence is always there and his advice, love, and presence are always missing.

Emi, I love you, I remember you, I miss you and I know you would say: Negrita pingüina (like he used to call me), never give up! And rest assured that I never will…